Such a Bittersweet Moment
by seddiefan2009
Summary: It’s funny you know? How what could easily be considered the best day of your life could just as easily be considered the worst day of your life? Spencer meets his little sister for the first time. Gen.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Just a cute little oneshot about Carly and Spencer. Mainly because I'm amazed at the lack of big brother Spencer fics out there. Enjoy and Review!

I'm standing in front of the nursery window, I just got finished running up and down those stairs they have in front so the big brothers and sisters can see the babies. She's just so beautiful, you know? She's got a head full of dark brown hair and this cute little button nose that I can't wait to try and pull off and replace with my thumb.

Dad says she's too young to smile, but I know she smiled at me when she looked up at me.

They've got her wrapped in this pink blanket, all safe and warm. I can't help but smile as I stare down at her through the window.

I pointedly ignore the people behind me, as they stare at me with their pitying looks. I don't need to look back at them to know they're doing it. I can feel it.

It's funny you know? How what could easily be considered the best day of your life could just as easily be considered the worst day of your life?

My Dad's hand lands gently on my shoulder, but I refuse to look up. If I take my eyes off of her she might disappear.

"Son," he says softly, trying to turn me to look at him.

"I know," I whisper back at him, my eyes still on that amazing baby in the pink blanket. He nods at me and turns back to my family. I'm left alone with that beautiful baby again.

One of the nurses walks over to her and smiles and nods at me through the glass. She walks over to the door and then out into the hall.

She continues smiling at me as she walks toward me and says, "There's a rocking chair in the nursery if you to try and hold her."

I can feel my heart through my chest as I look over to the nurse.

"Could I?" I know sound more excited than a thirteen year old who just lost his mother should, but I don't care what anyone thinks as I follow the nurse into the nursery.

"Okay hon, just sit in that rocking chair and I'll bring her to you," she says pointing over to a white colored chair in the far corner.

The chair is really comfortable, and I start moving my butt cheeks from side to side enjoying the feeling as the nurse comes walking over with a bright pink bundle in her arms.

She leans down and sits her in my arms, "Make sure you hold her head," she says, showing me the proper way to hold her.

"I'll be right over here if you need me." She calls as she walks away leaving me with my adorable baby sister.

"Okay." I answer offhandedly, staring at the bundle in my arms.

As I look at her all I can see is my mother. She has my mother's cheeks and her chin, and her ears. As I smile down at her she opens her eyes and looks up at me with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen.

"Well hey there little Car-lay," I start, "Do you know who I am?"

She spits up a little.

I giggle as I reach over and grab a cloth off the table next to my left and wipe her mouth.

"Well of course you do. I'm your big brother and I am gonna take care of you."

She starts emitting a high pitched cry. I stare down at her, her face contorting into these cute little expressions of displeasure.

So I did the only thing I could think to do, I made the same noise. She stopped crying and looked up at me with, 'what's wrong with you' look on her face.

It was the same face my mother gave me whenever I did something that she didn't understand. I suddenly felt the wetness on my cheek and the sob in my chest. I know I should give her back to the nurse, but I just can't. She's all I have left of my mother.

I held her while I cried for what felt like hours but was probably closer to minutes before my father and grandmother came into the nursery. My father reached for the baby and I let him take her without a word.

My grandmother just leaned down in front of me and hugged me.

…break…

It's hard to explain the feeling that comes over me as I stare at her at night sometimes. Because, even now fifteen years later I still watch her sleep. I still wake up with nightmares and need to see that she's still breathing. She still looks exactly like my mother.

She still has my mother's cheeks and chin, still has her ears and she still makes those faces that will always serve as a reminder that Carly is exactly like her, in this odd comforting yet terrifying kinda way. It almost feels like she is my mother's way of helping me move on, of helping me to remember her even though there are times when it hurts too bad to think about her.

So, I play with the yo-yo I found on the floor next to her bed as I check her breathing and then walk back downstairs, and try not to let my screams wake her up as I hit myself in the eye with the yo-yo.


End file.
